What is your politician I.Q.???
Politically Correct; Incorrectness
Intro: It doesn’t matter if you are a Democrat or a Republic; if you’re stupid, you’re stupid, and you should probably not be allowed to procreate, much less vote. Let this Quiz make the final judgment…
1) If a president is involved in several sexual affairs…
a) A firm yet emotionally tender slap on the wrists; then let them continue on with the Presidency
b) I might begin to wonder about their character and values and how these could affect their ability to make good decisions
c) They are by all accounts still a highly qualified person that I would undoubtedly trust with my countries affairs
d) If the persons allegedly involved were hot, then that President would still be alright in my book
2) If a man is found dead outside of the Whitehouse property…
a) Let the News run with it; they ought to be able to stir up a few truths with the untruths
b) Realize there might be some pretty screwed up things going down and open a full investigation of the situation
c) Sweep it, or I should rather say him; under the carpet and continue on with more important affairs
d) Blame it on one of the Kennedy’s, put their ass behind bars, continue with business as usual
3) If you read into everything the President and Congress say as word for word the God’s honest truth you are…
a) A very rare and optimistic soul that still believes in the values this country was founded on
b) One stupid, naïve SOB that probably also still believes in the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus
c) The only one who probably knows what is going on around here for real
d) A politician who has lost all realization of what the truth actually is anymore
4) If you have smoked marijuana in public within your lifetime and you desire to run for office…
a) Man, this is 2006; hand it out at your next pep rally
b) Come clean and admit just enough truth to still get the sympathetic vote
c) Question the existence of inhaling; if nobody could actually see the smoke in your lungs, was it actually ever there
d) Deny all accountability; saying you got it from a Kennedy and they were the one who actually inhaled
5) On your way through a crowd during an election year it is best to kiss…
a) Your rear-end goodbye; unless your wearing a bullet proof vest
b) Lots of baby’s and old people
c) Every beautiful person that will make you look good in a picture
d) Butt… and plenty of it
6) A major catastrophe is destroying thousands of homes and you are in the first year of your last term of Presidency
a) Make an appearance and do the best you can to look good with the least amount of effort
b) Admit you could have been better prepared; but your head has been in your butt for the past four years
c) Screw em’, the popular vote makes no difference now
d) Blame it all on a Kennedy
7) You are the aid to a government official and they have requested your personal company for the evening…
a) Keep your car running for a quick getaway
b) Look for any signs of cigars before stepping through the door
c) BYOC (Bring Your Own Condoms)
d) If it involves dragging a dead guy somewhere… count you in
8) You are invited on a Whitehouse hunting trip…
a) If you have donated less than $5,000 to the campaign overall; do not hide in the bush
b) Let the lawyers walk in front at all times
c) Stick closest to the guys with the biggest guns
d) Bring your will; getting shot just goes with the turf
9) As an elected official is it better to openly…
a) Raise your arms even if you aren’t wearing deodorant
b) Raise taxes
c) Raise hell
d) Give yourself a (pay) raise
10) You are behind on the polls with only three months until election…
a) Become a regular on Saturday Night Live
b) Take the stage on MTV and kick it with Puff Daddy
c) Sleep with a sexy movie star to boost your popularity
d) Sweep any previously sexually harassed individuals from your past firmly under the carpet
Score System:
a) = 3 points
b) = 4 points
c) = 1 points
d) = 2 point
Score of:
35-40 points: Get down… get down! Whew, that was close. If the government ever gets wind of you, you would disappear quicker than a Tootsie Roll squished into the carpet of a Jenny Craig Reunion; so it would be in your best interest to keep this quiz between just you and me. Just wait for my signal, and when the time comes we shall form a new branch of office under the leadership of Clint Eastwood and Dr. Ruth.
29-34 points: You are actually not so stupid; which means that you might actually make one heck of a great elected official; but you have one gigantic downfall. You tell the truth. It is however sad to say that it is for the best that you would never get anywhere, as you would most likely end up some dead schlep being dragged away by a sexually harassed, disgruntled office aid.
22-28 points: You hold the middle road between honest integrity, and low down cheap parlor tricks. Your career would albeit span a shorter course than most, as you are still honest enough to have pot shots taken at you on a regular basis. On the plus side, you do however have enough distrust in your fellow man to ride the local parades with your convertible top up, and Dick Cheney riding shotgun (pun intended).
16-21 points: You understand the true meaning of being a politician. I would definitely not trust you with any member of the opposite sex over the age of 3. You have had your share of dragging dead guys around over your lifetime, but fortunately to your relief, they just seem to be getting lighter and lighter.
10-15 points: You are primarily in this for the sex. You are probably a failed actor or wrestling star, and are running out of cheap ways to feel up members of the opposite sex. If ever there was to be a dead schlep dragged out of the office and propped up just outside the Whitehouse properties; you should be the one.
Intro: It doesn’t matter if you are a Democrat or a Republic; if you’re stupid, you’re stupid, and you should probably not be allowed to procreate, much less vote. Let this Quiz make the final judgment…
1) If a president is involved in several sexual affairs…
a) A firm yet emotionally tender slap on the wrists; then let them continue on with the Presidency
b) I might begin to wonder about their character and values and how these could affect their ability to make good decisions
c) They are by all accounts still a highly qualified person that I would undoubtedly trust with my countries affairs
d) If the persons allegedly involved were hot, then that President would still be alright in my book
2) If a man is found dead outside of the Whitehouse property…
a) Let the News run with it; they ought to be able to stir up a few truths with the untruths
b) Realize there might be some pretty screwed up things going down and open a full investigation of the situation
c) Sweep it, or I should rather say him; under the carpet and continue on with more important affairs
d) Blame it on one of the Kennedy’s, put their ass behind bars, continue with business as usual
3) If you read into everything the President and Congress say as word for word the God’s honest truth you are…
a) A very rare and optimistic soul that still believes in the values this country was founded on
b) One stupid, naïve SOB that probably also still believes in the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus
c) The only one who probably knows what is going on around here for real
d) A politician who has lost all realization of what the truth actually is anymore
4) If you have smoked marijuana in public within your lifetime and you desire to run for office…
a) Man, this is 2006; hand it out at your next pep rally
b) Come clean and admit just enough truth to still get the sympathetic vote
c) Question the existence of inhaling; if nobody could actually see the smoke in your lungs, was it actually ever there
d) Deny all accountability; saying you got it from a Kennedy and they were the one who actually inhaled
5) On your way through a crowd during an election year it is best to kiss…
a) Your rear-end goodbye; unless your wearing a bullet proof vest
b) Lots of baby’s and old people
c) Every beautiful person that will make you look good in a picture
d) Butt… and plenty of it
6) A major catastrophe is destroying thousands of homes and you are in the first year of your last term of Presidency
a) Make an appearance and do the best you can to look good with the least amount of effort
b) Admit you could have been better prepared; but your head has been in your butt for the past four years
c) Screw em’, the popular vote makes no difference now
d) Blame it all on a Kennedy
7) You are the aid to a government official and they have requested your personal company for the evening…
a) Keep your car running for a quick getaway
b) Look for any signs of cigars before stepping through the door
c) BYOC (Bring Your Own Condoms)
d) If it involves dragging a dead guy somewhere… count you in
8) You are invited on a Whitehouse hunting trip…
a) If you have donated less than $5,000 to the campaign overall; do not hide in the bush
b) Let the lawyers walk in front at all times
c) Stick closest to the guys with the biggest guns
d) Bring your will; getting shot just goes with the turf
9) As an elected official is it better to openly…
a) Raise your arms even if you aren’t wearing deodorant
b) Raise taxes
c) Raise hell
d) Give yourself a (pay) raise
10) You are behind on the polls with only three months until election…
a) Become a regular on Saturday Night Live
b) Take the stage on MTV and kick it with Puff Daddy
c) Sleep with a sexy movie star to boost your popularity
d) Sweep any previously sexually harassed individuals from your past firmly under the carpet
Score System:
a) = 3 points
b) = 4 points
c) = 1 points
d) = 2 point
Score of:
35-40 points: Get down… get down! Whew, that was close. If the government ever gets wind of you, you would disappear quicker than a Tootsie Roll squished into the carpet of a Jenny Craig Reunion; so it would be in your best interest to keep this quiz between just you and me. Just wait for my signal, and when the time comes we shall form a new branch of office under the leadership of Clint Eastwood and Dr. Ruth.
29-34 points: You are actually not so stupid; which means that you might actually make one heck of a great elected official; but you have one gigantic downfall. You tell the truth. It is however sad to say that it is for the best that you would never get anywhere, as you would most likely end up some dead schlep being dragged away by a sexually harassed, disgruntled office aid.
22-28 points: You hold the middle road between honest integrity, and low down cheap parlor tricks. Your career would albeit span a shorter course than most, as you are still honest enough to have pot shots taken at you on a regular basis. On the plus side, you do however have enough distrust in your fellow man to ride the local parades with your convertible top up, and Dick Cheney riding shotgun (pun intended).
16-21 points: You understand the true meaning of being a politician. I would definitely not trust you with any member of the opposite sex over the age of 3. You have had your share of dragging dead guys around over your lifetime, but fortunately to your relief, they just seem to be getting lighter and lighter.
10-15 points: You are primarily in this for the sex. You are probably a failed actor or wrestling star, and are running out of cheap ways to feel up members of the opposite sex. If ever there was to be a dead schlep dragged out of the office and propped up just outside the Whitehouse properties; you should be the one.
posted by Eric J. at 2:07 PM
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