10 Ultimate Excuses for Calling in Sick...
SUMMARY: Need a few lazy days away from the office? We are only born with so many living Uncles and Grandmas to kill off on a weekly basis, so we sometimes have to be a little more creative.
We all need an occasional day off, and with today’s stressful and hectic schedules it has become more of a necessity than a pleasure. Bosses on the other hand are getting more street savvy these days and are harder to fool. I spent a few hours yesterday looking up blogs and articles for excuses to miss work, and I quite frankly wouldn’t believe a one of them. So in response to your urgent requests for more lazy days away from the office, I have created an ultimate list. There are only so many times our Uncles and Grandmas can die; therefore we must have a generous amount of fillers in between, such as drunken nights out and toilet paper outages. So without further a due, I introduce to you my 10 ultimate excuses for missing work.
10) Please help me; I am at the gas station and I need a raise to make it the rest of the way to work.
9) During auditions for American Idol, my microphone was unexplainably implanted in Simon’s A$$. After I get back from the hospital, I may have to drop by the police station for a few questions.
8) I knew you had either said, “Be on time tomorrow” or “Be on the train in time to take the rest of the week off with a time and a half paid vacation”… oops!
7) I cannot make it in today; my girlfriend’s just gone into labor. If my wife calls tell her I’m sick.
6) I was challenged to a three-legged race to the doctor to remove a foot from my ass… and I lost.
5) I’m a bachelor, have no toilet paper, and ate Mexican buffet last night… need I say more.
4) I was borrowing my brothers SUV down in Mexico, when I realized I didn’t have a brother. Looks like I may be tied up with their local police for a while.
3) I received a letter from the government yesterday apologizing for my death. I probably need to take a few days off to sort some things out…
2) Remember last week I missed a few days of work when my Grandmother died. Well, last night she came back to life during final post-mortem, and we have decided to throw her another wake, since she missed out on the first one.
1) I’m drunk, I’ve fallin’; and I can’t get up!
And there you have it. Just remember to mix them up here and there to keep em’ guessing. THE END
We all need an occasional day off, and with today’s stressful and hectic schedules it has become more of a necessity than a pleasure. Bosses on the other hand are getting more street savvy these days and are harder to fool. I spent a few hours yesterday looking up blogs and articles for excuses to miss work, and I quite frankly wouldn’t believe a one of them. So in response to your urgent requests for more lazy days away from the office, I have created an ultimate list. There are only so many times our Uncles and Grandmas can die; therefore we must have a generous amount of fillers in between, such as drunken nights out and toilet paper outages. So without further a due, I introduce to you my 10 ultimate excuses for missing work.
10) Please help me; I am at the gas station and I need a raise to make it the rest of the way to work.
9) During auditions for American Idol, my microphone was unexplainably implanted in Simon’s A$$. After I get back from the hospital, I may have to drop by the police station for a few questions.
8) I knew you had either said, “Be on time tomorrow” or “Be on the train in time to take the rest of the week off with a time and a half paid vacation”… oops!
7) I cannot make it in today; my girlfriend’s just gone into labor. If my wife calls tell her I’m sick.
6) I was challenged to a three-legged race to the doctor to remove a foot from my ass… and I lost.
5) I’m a bachelor, have no toilet paper, and ate Mexican buffet last night… need I say more.
4) I was borrowing my brothers SUV down in Mexico, when I realized I didn’t have a brother. Looks like I may be tied up with their local police for a while.
3) I received a letter from the government yesterday apologizing for my death. I probably need to take a few days off to sort some things out…
2) Remember last week I missed a few days of work when my Grandmother died. Well, last night she came back to life during final post-mortem, and we have decided to throw her another wake, since she missed out on the first one.
1) I’m drunk, I’ve fallin’; and I can’t get up!
And there you have it. Just remember to mix them up here and there to keep em’ guessing. THE END
posted by Eric J. at 2:50 AM
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