10 People I am not "particularly fond of"

10 People I Dislike
…and So Should You

Summary: It looks like it is about time for my annual 10 people I dislike and so should you fund raiser. If we earn enough; we are going to fly each of these individuals on a one-way all expenses paid trip over top the Bermuda Triangle, where their asses will be personally booted out by your truly!

1. Tom Cruise & Scientology: Dude, you just irritate the crap out of me! I mean, I can’t even explain it. In fact, it has come to the point to where I am really not sure if it was scientology that I hated first, or the fact that you like it that made me hate it so much. Anyway, keep up your great work; you will screw Scientology over faster than anyone else could ever hope. And believe you me; there is a lot of hope out there!
2. Richard Simmons: Damn man, you are annoying; and those shorts you wear really need to be outlawed. The question came up to me the other day as to who I would rather be trapped with on a disserted island; you or Tom Cruise? I picked you; but only because I knew those outfits you wear would make great signals to the planes above; not to mention your fat ass would make a great floatation device in the event of an emergency.
3. Tori Spelling: Hey Tori, I understand that you are the brunt of several rather botched boob jobs here lately; but I have a rather interesting idea for you. Why don’t you have those boobs transplanted to your head? I mean, with all your emphasis you have been placing on them, you might as well use them to your best advantage. At least then you’ll be able to say that the men you meet are most interested with what is in (or I should rather say ‘on’) your head, and not within your blouse.
4. Lindsay Lohan: You fake boobed freckle-faced... Um yah… I think that just about sums it all up; as you really do not have enough personality to dignify much more than that.
5. Kevin Federline: You are a no-talent ass-clown my friend! And as I am sure that everybody is but hanging on the edges of their seats for your next album; I am forced to recall a recent comment by you to the fact that from here on out you will dropping nothing but hits. I was later quite relieved to find that you were only referring to the new toilet bowl battleship game that you had been playing with yourself on the weekends; it’s funny how things can be grossly misinterpreted.
6. Jessica Simpson: I must confess that I do not believe there to be a more stupid blonde upon the face of this earth than you. Like, why don’t you go play with that shiny new nickel by the outlet over there? I know what Nick told you about that… and it’s true. It won’t hurt you one bit!
7. Leonardo DiCaprio: Hey dude; quit spreading all the rumors about you dating models; everybody knows that you never get any. Hell, everybody knows that you have an even smaller manhood than that of Enrique Iglesias. But most of all, everybody knows that if you were to go to jail for a day; you would not poop right for a month, and you probably would like it!
8. Brad Pitt: Okay, while you just might thus appear to be a heck of a lot cooler than Leo at first glance; you are nothing but the steroid engorged upgrade. If you were to be in the next Austin Powers movie (which just might be a possibility with the way your career appears to be headed); you would play Dr. Evil, and Leo (Yes, your career is already down the crapper) would be your Mini-Me. The only difference is it wouldn’t be a cat you were stroking on your lap; not if Leo had anything to say about it.
9. Michael Jackson: Haven’t we deported you for good by now! What the hell are we waiting for; the next opening of a freak farm to place you in? Get the heck out of here Michael before somebody catches wind that you are not as crazy as you would like everybody to think you are. Not crazy… just a plain, flat, simple a-hole.
10. Paris Hilton: She tops the list at number 10, as I would not want to give her anymore acknowledgment than being at the bottom of my already bottomed out list. I would say that puts her about as deep into the toilet as she truly deserves to be. And since I am just as tired of the rest of you of hearing about her, I am going to leave this one here as it stands… end of story!